If only the darkness would stop calling me, in my last heartbeat, if only the edge of that voice wouldn't cut me, perhaps I could move on with my life. But no, it's always the same. It's as if my feet were stuck to the floor and my arms were being pulled by hands coming out of the darkness.
Fear
It’s the first word that enters my mind followed by a flood of images from my past, not only from my life but also historical moments where fear has surrounded lives.
Stop. Behind me, darkness, but ahead another scene forms, it’s a party that seems to be from another century. The same thing that grabs me leads me to some of the guests, all wearing masks. Hypocrisy. It’s the second word that attacks my mind. In the hall, some masks disappear to reveal the faces of all those who have been hypocrites in my life. I scream. But no one hears me.
BOOM!!!
A killer noise filled the air. It’s the first sound; with the second, I will die.
Everyone disappears, leaving only a grand chandelier of various crystals. From the distance where I stand, it resembles a rainbow. I blinked once. When I opened my eyes again, the chandelier was in front of my face. As I scanned the chandelier, each crystal showed historical events, lives, and experiences, each one stranger and different from the other but with one concrete aspect. Interest. CAREFUL! careful, careful, a voice thundered from the walls. Panic surged through my body followed by a great adrenaline rush. I was dizzy, almost falling to the ground, but again there were those hands gripping me tighter. LET ME GO! I screamed. Everything around me froze, no sound.
I felt the power and strength of my being course through my body. Mysteriously, I felt my eyes turning black, or at least that’s what it felt like, and with one pull, I managed to free one of my hands. So I knew this wouldn’t defeat me. I freed myself completely and with all the energy I had, I said:
I’M NOT AFRAID OF YOU!
I felt something watching me, but I didn’t care. I had enough strength to face anyone until I saw it. First, it was a woman and then an animal, both equally defenseless. Damn it! I said to myself. This thing knew how to play well; it knew all my aspects and started attacking with my weaknesses.
I knew what I had to do, but I didn’t allow myself. I wasn’t going to let this thing make me do things I had promised never to do. I SCREAMED. The woman looked at me with a malevolent smile. I heard something behind me. I turned; there was nothing, no one anymore.
HAHAHAHA!
A loud laugh filled the place, my breathing quickened. I hate fear, it makes me feel weak and vulnerable. Rage surged through my body. My hands slowly curled into fists, my body trembling.
Something grabbed my neck, squeezed it tightly, lifted me, and threw me. I got up with all my strength. This thing knew I would react aggressively. I attacked, hitting everything in my way. I wasn’t thinking; I felt myself disappearing into this fury of rage and aggression.
I felt myself dying slowly, and in my last effort, I remembered an old teaching that an enemy could attack their foe and it would go no further, but if they attack their mind, they have everything won. I tried to free myself, but I couldn’t. I tried to scream, but I couldn’t. I did everything possible, nothing worked.
Finally, in my defeat, I fell to the floor, closed my eyes, and everything around me turned black. I woke up. I realized it had all been an epiphany of what I had been. My life revealed itself to my eyes and mind just before hearing the last beat of my heart.
